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Sunday, April 18, 2010
....I need a new space.
Free Big Bang Theory, two and a half man, criminal minds and ten things i hate about you....MORE...Yes awesomeness. no sleep for the whole week!
BBQ was the worse time I had in my life. I never felt so insecure before. Never. It was like I couldn't trust anyone. And I don't even know why? I think I might have made a huge mistake by trying too hard to fit in and I might have gotten Really annoying.... Pfft. So angry with myself. Funny thing was gabby was having the exact same feelings about her outing too. We both felt so depressed...i was telling her that i wanted to cry...and so did she. But after a few exchanges about our horrible depressing Saturday, which we both really looked forward to, we decided to make the most out of what's left of the day. And we did! She slept late while smsing me about how she can't wait for man u to beat Chelsea lol! Thats the only thing apparently that would make her really really really happy! Hahaha! funny sh*t. And I took a ride to the jetty with my fav gay couple talking dirty and of course gossiping and ranting hahaha!!
They told me all their lovey dovey stories hehe. All their firsts....HMMMMMM....the cute stuff that they both do... Like feeling bad cuz one of them had to leave early while the other was feeling bad cuz he could not follow the other home... So cute right...? AWWWWWWW. Oh and not forgetting the first time they brought each other home haha!!
Just when I said goodnights to gabby after all the funny msgs! We really have our stupid moments sometimes...How I wished she was with me! We would have rode and just talked all night long haha! Oh and I was actually thinking wow I really can have fun today. BUT.
ANYWAYS I get thrown into another mess. Coincidently the thing i didnt want to happen, happened.
Oh I cracked my toe I think. The wound is still bleeding and my big toe is super sore! Bleh.... But I had loads of fun I did...singing, talking about relationships with ilham lol!!! And being on my own. Drawing, writting, reading :D. Yeah I managed to do all that! Haha! I was alone, well sheila was in front of me sleeping but yeah other than that i was alone :) Anyways enough about yesterday.
I finally took the advice of someone to talk to my mom. I didn't get a nagging, no long conversation which is extremely surprising since just now in the morning on the way back from church she kept nagging about how I should never trust or be too close to school friends because they would just break my heart and cause me pain. That school friends would always be superficial. Church friends apparently would never gossip, hurt or abandon me. Hmmmmm. I don't have any church friends. Do i have to look for new friends now? hahaha!
Anyways.... She just asked me a surprising question which I replied "yes" to out of curiousity and learnt so much about my mom. She was so cool! Hahaha! But after all the surprises....she ended the convo with something that made me feel fuzzy and warm and happy.
I know now. My mom never stopped me because she wanted me to learn the hard way, the way she did when she dated her girlfriend for 10 years and ended up marrying my idiotic dad. She kept a picture of them both(so cute)she even scanned it so she would always have a back up in the computer. What made me all happy was that when she showed me the photo my mom just kept smilling.
Maybe for some this is too much information to reveal on a blog. But its my blog. And right now I'm feeling really happy. My mom actually revealed something she probably swore never to tell me so that I could finally come to my senses.
i figured she just wanted to tell me that things dont work out the way you want it too. So what? Who cares? Life goes on. YOU ARE A CATHOLIC. LOL!
HAHAHA gabs and i were laughing about the situations i get myself into all the time yesterday! Gabs was like "hmmmm...i think i can see why you find the whole situation hilarious now" lol. It was fun laughing at myself....its a good thing :) phew... hehe.
I cant lie and say i am over you. When i think about things i get angry, upset, i feel stupid. But then again im fine, or at least i know one day i will fully be fine. I just need time. I know i can get over you :)If you are worrying about me trying to get you back or not getting over you. You dont worry alrights. I am not that stupid....haha! I know it will never happen so there is no point. If you feel its better this way then ai yah i will just deal with it lah. So yeah....hahaha! omg i ended laughing again.
Okay well I'm just gonna take 40 winks before I get ready for my culture shock at pan pacific! Haha! Going to meet my aunts relatives....can't wait!! YIPEES
OHHHH! And i wont be saying vulgarities from today onwards. YES! I can do it! hahaha!!!
I Confess I Messed Up
3:50 PM
The wound begins to close in on itself, to protect what is hurting so much.
_This Is Me__
~Name: Sarah Jane Gianna Anthony
Dramamama no.4
~Horoscope: Cancer
~birthday: 12th July
~Age: 18
~School: nanana...
_My Life__
~Ice Cream
~Gilmore Girls, Gossip Girl, Big Bang Theory
_xBitchesx__
x Studying
x Certain peeps...*hint*
_+wishlist+__
Razia's Shadow a Musical album!!
Time!!