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Sunday, January 03, 2010
today woke up with serious case of swollen eyes....because i cried all night....
i now know the cause of my inferiority complex, my family.
Yesterday was the last draw for me. I found out that my cousins were all going out but my family wasnt invited, plus my grandmother was dumped on us to take care of because they are going out and they cant bring my grandma along...
worst was how i found out that they were going out! they didnt even tell us! I found out because one of my cousins slipped.
I stupidly asked "we are going out for lunch?"
and she replied "oh no not you, just us"
WTF?!! this is not the first time! there were so many other times! They didnt even come for christmas. They never invite us for their parties too. When they do come, they insult everything...from the decor to the crowd. Always with that black moody face. So why do we still invite them all the time? They always do this! Why do we still care? Why are we still so nice to them? Why werent we invited again? Is there something wrong with us?
So i spoke to my mom last night and she told me that i asked the same question when i was 3. It was after mass and i saw my cousins trying to ignore us and rushing out of church. When we finally caught up with them, they told us that they were going out and that they didnt know that we were at home so they didnt drop by to invite us. NO APOLOGIES. I innocently kept asking my godmother to bring me along. I was always denied the chance. I cried so much then. I cry so much now.
Same thing happens to my moms side, except they ran to australia and never wanted to see us again. They always come back SECRETLY...shhh.... O.o...
Oh and when i do get to follow my cousins or outings with my aunts...they complain about me...WOW...legendary!
I try so hard! Im out! Im not doing this anymore, im not gonna just follow them to get accepted. So humiliated...I wonder how my parents just stay silent.
So now i know why i feel everyone just tolerates me...cuz maybe they do.... F them!
I Confess I Messed Up
9:14 PM
The wound begins to close in on itself, to protect what is hurting so much.
_This Is Me__
~Name: Sarah Jane Gianna Anthony
Dramamama no.4
~Horoscope: Cancer
~birthday: 12th July
~Age: 18
~School: nanana...
_My Life__
~Ice Cream
~Gilmore Girls, Gossip Girl, Big Bang Theory
_xBitchesx__
x Studying
x Certain peeps...*hint*
_+wishlist+__
Razia's Shadow a Musical album!!
Time!!