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Thursday, August 28, 2008
happiness dont last.
so exams are over and i thought yay!! i can havoc!! i can have a break!! after all the studying and stress...although i have been so relaxed and care free...
But yeah i was so happy...was...
can you imagine....my parents think im gonna fail....they want me to start studying again, my modules, to prepare for the retake exams....
i dont know what to do anymore...the problem is that its my fault anyway they expect me to fail because i will...
I always do.....they know me too well....i will fail
Im so confused...do they not have faith in me? or are they looking out for me, they want me not to fail and if i do then this next time i will be prepared? if so, is that a good thing?
Why do my parents have such low standards of me? I HATE MY LIFE! i dont get why i just get myself hurt on purpose...its all my fault because i didnt study enough i didnt put effort in my exams, since i was young i was too relaxed and these are the consequences. Parents who have low expectations from you/ of you...they get frustrated, and this is what they do. They stop trusting you.
so i guess i give in? is it right for me to be angry that they think so low of my efforts...is it right for me to be angry becuz my parents think i am going to fail? is it justifiable?
I have to hide to cry so that they wont know how i feel, to laugh when im in front of them...should i be doing this? should i even be crying?
Truth, even if they see me cry...they wont say "dont cry" they wont apologise...it will just be another scolding cause its my fault i didnt study enough. I cant ask them, "why dont you just have faith in me", i cant cause i broke their hearts so many times...they trusted me to do well, to at least pass so many times...until they just cant trust me anymore. NO MORE and its all my fault....
so pick yourself up sarah! study and prove to them!!! Its not to late to show it to them! they are doing this for your own good! dont sit in front of you computer and whine!!
I Confess I Messed Up
11:53 PM
The wound begins to close in on itself, to protect what is hurting so much.
_This Is Me__
~Name: Sarah Jane Gianna Anthony
Dramamama no.4
~Horoscope: Cancer
~birthday: 12th July
~Age: 18
~School: nanana...
_My Life__
~Ice Cream
~Gilmore Girls, Gossip Girl, Big Bang Theory
_xBitchesx__
x Studying
x Certain peeps...*hint*
_+wishlist+__
Razia's Shadow a Musical album!!
Time!!